Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
