so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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