Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
