Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
