his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dear god my vagina.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
