the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
