I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
