i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
