I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
