my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and she was petting her beer can
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
