don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
