I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
