Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
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