I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
