he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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