I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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