ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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