I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
