I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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