walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
