maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Will exercising make me less horny?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
