Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
