I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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