Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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