Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
