You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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