hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
