I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
