He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
