I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
