Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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