Are we in a gay sports bar?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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