who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
