I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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