it was like eating out sand paper
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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