we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
