bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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