You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM VODKA MAN
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
