The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
