My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
