I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
