Porn is love you can see.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
