Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to calm my uterus...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
