I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
