He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i love accidental penises.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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