Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
