My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
