this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
