He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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