Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
