I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
