I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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