Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
